It feels as if some days, time does not move , life stops and I am lost in a spinning current of conscious mayhem.
While other days I am rooted to my own dark world ,while everything passes by me, not so much as a slow movement is witnessed and life will not wait for me.
Sometimes the rain falls in little specks , cool against my skin , soft and soothing and cool to my heated skin.
Only then does it turn to hard spikes and icy shards , falling against my cool skin as if I am being awakened over and over again.
In someways I am asleep but I am alive , I see everything in my dreamy haze, making out what could be real and what is my imagination, picking out the sounds that have familiarity to me out of the humming background noise.
Others it just seems everything is to loud , to vivid, I still cannot hear or see anything clearly , I just search for my haze and endure the stabbing pains that I do not understand.
Some days I awaken and wonder how long I have been asleep , but today I wonder how long I am cursed to be awake and if I will ever sleep again.
Where is my quiet haze that holds me and comforts me in silence.
I search for it lost, holding my self together in one solid piece , until I am back there and I can let myself go again.
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