Lost in Time

It feels as if some days, time does not move , life stops and I am lost in a spinning current of conscious mayhem.
While other days I am rooted to my own dark world ,while everything passes by me, not so much as a slow movement is witnessed and life will not wait for me.

Sometimes the rain falls in little specks , cool against my skin , soft and soothing and cool to my heated skin.
Only then does it turn to hard spikes and icy shards , falling against my cool skin as if I am being awakened over and over again.

In someways I am asleep but I am alive , I see everything in my dreamy haze, making out what could be real and what is my imagination, picking out the sounds that have familiarity to me out of the humming background noise.
Others it just seems everything is to loud , to vivid, I still cannot hear or see anything clearly , I just search for my haze and endure the stabbing pains that I do not understand.

Some days I awaken and wonder how long I have been asleep , but today I wonder how long I am cursed to be awake and if I will ever sleep again.

Where is my quiet haze that holds me and comforts me in silence.

I search for it lost, holding my self together in one solid piece , until I am back there and I can let myself go again.

Cursed

As if to say that days would not pass, and then my heart would stop beating this rythm that it has found so profoundly comfortable.

As if to say that a breath would not leave my lungs even though my body required it's departure only to allow it entrance once again, despite it's pain and burn.

To say that I am not valid, my words are not spoken, my thoughts are not real, and my future is at best my own shame.

To say that it is not my right to live, or feel love , and I have condoned myself to this. Then why have I been put here and what would be my reason to live?

I would say in truth, I have done you a great disgrace to prolong my burden onto you, and this life.

I would say I wish to part without the anger , with peaceful waves of a quiet mind.

As if you would tell me , only to late, my love and loyalty was not so true and anbundant,and warmth in your cold domaine.

I will question, whilst I fight your crashing waves of darkness and hatred.

Hopeless

Like the wind that blows upon my face
I feel I have already left this place

As the rain falls with passing years
So does my hope,and so does my tears

And with each and every passing day
I lose my path, and lose my way

Like if the sky would change to night
before I've found my wrong , or find my right

Ever changing I follow the seasons
looking for answers , searching for reasons

Love seeks what is of me
but love is below me, and above me


The darkness Is my home
and inside myself I will remain alone.

Dark Angel

Lost and fragile I see him there , I feel him there .I feel his touch , it feels like fire. scared and broken I am weary , but see the truth in his eyes and know.
I feel his heart calling mine, I know he is lonely and it is my pain because we are one. I stay a shadow in his mind and don't let him forget I need him. I feel it heavy, my air is robbed slowly from my lungs but I continue to breath for him. I know when the pain is over he will embrace me so that I can see light while he sees darkness. Haunting me ,soothing me, he reminds me I am real. He keeps me here when I want to be lost in my mind and retreat from this world.Forever he keeps me here, he is my dark angel.

Claimed

A Plight, my ship has sailed to sea.
my heart an anchor, not set free.

I wish my body to float ashore,
but I sink to corals, and float no more.

All is lost, but I don't give up hope,
as the tiny current pulls me afloat.

If it should be this day not come,
then I would wish to see the sun.

A drifter in reach, he pulls me aboard,
sets me gently upon his boat floor.

I feel his gaze across my face,
and know alas I am safely placed.

He croons to me, but my body is broken
he spots my locket , my only token.

Inside he will find the answer to me,
I was broken hearted, I belong to the sea.

My Universe

A still heart beat
To sooth my soul

To help me breath
To make me whole

I want to float in your sky

The honest words
To sooth my mind

To give me strength
To stop my time

You float in my sky

A confession to make
I make it vain

I feel it at night
I feel it in rain

The sweetest pain

A proffession to me
It's said the same

you feel it at night
you feel it in rain

The sweetest pain

A star I watch
To make me dream

I cry

A moon to watch
To calm your space

You sigh

I lay in my head
I hear what you said
I see in red

You see me
Think about what can be
You are my mystery.

My Love

I fear I have enkindled his amazement, to which this ordainment be fantastical though I wish it not, and so haply I grow fond , but not of my own imposition but of my heart's, and all while I credit myself wholesome I feel as though my heart has caused me to be affectioned by the greatest plague I have ever now known of.

If so my love should ever displeasure him , I rather would wrench my heart from my very breathing body, but to my amazement ,I come to know he does not seek to deem me of any fault..even though I feel it is I who has inflicted him this great fardel.

Wherefor I can not feel absolute ,to my well bethought.I know not , but know it is right I only atone with to fate as I know it is my only answer. I do not aim to avail , if only to make him see my profit would be that much lessened , and if fate has grasped us in arms then it is strange unto me and wherefor is it our greatest ban and I'm all together ignorant in mine own right.

I am fearful that my actions would baffle his love for me, but I feel so strongly as to not bare in hand , that of which my heart does not beteem. Despite this truth I wish it that he know I have a month1s mind he know for him my love is ever stronger than the largest tempest.

Confessor

I have a mind to confess that which inflicts my heart with a profound sorrow. It is my pleading hearts desire that there is a ocean breeze that would carry away with it, my sadness . A crashing wave that would batter the pain from my body. It is the wish of my soul there is a fate that does not condemn me in such this way I feel as if my life has already ended.

Life has all together come to hold, and not without its high cost. I carry love, and it weighs heavy ,my heart a dark shadow cast on my spirit. I wish nothing more than to just set it down gently and embrace it. This I know , is all together impossible.

Infinite love does not profess mercy as I would wish it, niether does it heed to my calls.